Profound words escape my mind as I sit here trying to grasp what it is exactly I'm looking to articulate.  I guess the weight of trying to juggle a balance between good and evil is becoming tiresome.  I'm starting to lack focus and my discernment has seen better days.  I've gone from making wise long term plans to surviving day by day unable to figure out where exactly my next solid step will be taken.  Maybe living in uncertainty is in fact a way of punishing myself for where life has taken me.  I never expected to be here.  I never expected to have everything on the line but yet feel like it doesn't matter.  I've lost my passion.  I've misplaced my drive.  This inward battle is going to ruin me.