Here's an exert from Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert that really hits home and explains me to a "T":

I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men.  I have always fallen in love fast without measuring risks.  I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential.  I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and then I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness.  Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.    (pg. 285)

Profound words escape my mind as I sit here trying to grasp what it is exactly I'm looking to articulate.  I guess the weight of trying to juggle a balance between good and evil is becoming tiresome.  I'm starting to lack focus and my discernment has seen better days.  I've gone from making wise long term plans to surviving day by day unable to figure out where exactly my next solid step will be taken.  Maybe living in uncertainty is in fact a way of punishing myself for where life has taken me.  I never expected to be here.  I never expected to have everything on the line but yet feel like it doesn't matter.  I've lost my passion.  I've misplaced my drive.  This inward battle is going to ruin me. 

She looked at me with her big brown eyes and asked "Do you think that I'm going to go to Heaven?"


I replied, "You said you believed in Jesus, right?"


"Yes." She quickly responded.


"Well then the Bible tells us that that's what we have to do."


"But there are just so many rules, one's that are so hard to follow," she looked at me ashamed.


"Yes, but God still loves us even when we have a hard time following His rules." I said scrambling to find the right words.


"But, it's just that, I'm scared."


I looked her in the eyes and replied, "I am too."

I sat and talked with a troubled soul who said that when he looked in the mirror he didn't see himself anymore.   Coincidentally, as I looked at him I saw myself. 

Nothing

There’s nothing left to say
There’s nothing left to lose
There’s nothing left to hold
There’s nothing left to choose

I’m done fighting this great fight
I’m done singing this great song
There’s nothing left to be
But being very wrong

There’s nothing left for time
There’s nothing left for me
There’s nothing left for us
There’s nothing left to see

I’m done hanging onto hope
I’m done crying all these tears
There’s nothing left for us
But a bunch of wasted years.