Saturday, September 23, 2006
the ache is deeper then I know
My heart hurts. It hurts so much. I can't even articulate the things that are going on inside, all I know is that it is breaking my very being. I'm having difficulties discerning the things of God and the things of Sasha. I feel like I'm running away....yet find myself running in random circles because I can't find my way. Is it possible to not want to follow God, yet have no other option but to follow God? The last thing that I want right now is His will.....how can I even say that?!??! He's brought me so far and done so much...and I have the audacity to want to reject His perfect will. Jonah tried to run from what he was called to do...and we all know where that left him. Do I just act like I'm ok with it....put on my mask and be ok with all the crap that I have to go through.... or is it ok to hurt...and not want it all....
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2 comments:
I think it is definatly ok to hurt! Everything is a process and sometimes that process is harder than anticipated~ and the crap that you go through sucks... i know how much this sucks.... but He IS trying to teach you something... just going about it in a way where you have to die to yourself in a new way you you can be healed more completely and not have reliance on anyone else but God.... Its a process that happens over and over again until we get it! I love you, you CAN do this! Be blessed, we will talk tonight!
His hand hasn't left you for one moment. He hasn't let go of you for one moment. Plan; will; teaching. I don't know you, but I bet you can't say no when He just wants to come close to you andlove on his precious, hurting, daughter?
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