Wow.....I just had the funniest thing happen to me. There has been this friend of mine who for the past few weeks has been asking to "get together" and after the third time I told him that he had to stop and respect me. He's not a Christian so I didnt really expect anything more. Well I was just talking to him tonight on MSN....and well he asked to go for coffee....I said that that wasnt possible because of my schedual and then he got really upset. I wasnt really sure why. And then he was like "I should have left it.... you and me have been over for awhile now" and I was like WHAT?!?!? What do you mean by over??? It turns out that he thought that we were dating um....without me knowing....HAHAHAHAHA SOOOOOO FUNNY.....I had to tell him that we were only friends and that we would only ever be friends.....but now all the sexual invetations make sense! So when asked about how many guys I've dated does he count if I never knew that we were dating???? How do you break up if you were never dating in the first place??? ....so funny.....

What is love??? No really.....love. How do you describe it? How do you know that that is what you in fact are in? Do you ever really know? Or is there a point where you just all of a sudden just KNOW that you know that you know?? Some Christians give the "ultraspiritual" answer. "It's like 1Corinthians 13 says...it's patient, and kind, and does not envy and is not boastful..." That answer does not satisfy the "earthly" more tangible essence of life....seriously how do you know? Butterflies in the stomach? A "sparkle" in their eye......I've determined that life is sooo complex...so subjective....and trying to figure out where one truely fits in and really understands where he/she is.....or maybe that's just the girl in me....never knowing how I feel...always so emotional....I'm thankful that God is above all human emotion. That He in fact is not just a feeling.....and that He never changes like our emotions.....I guess when trying to answer the love question, as a Christian, we must look to God....cuz He IS Love.....I just find that so hard to fit into a category that we can give humanly experiential terms to. Ultimately I don't think we can do justice that way.....but I guess we can try.

God's been reminding me about the love that He has for His children a lot lately. I had a horrible thing happen last week...my computer died. Not even a nice die...I mean it broke hardcore....and I had a nervous breakdown. Students out there will understand because I had finished my Hebrew paper that was due on the monday...but it was on the computer. I knew that the machine was fixable but all the work that I had put into this paper was all that I was worried about. Well to make a long story short...I was given a new computer even though I wasnt suppose to get one....and I was suppose to pay $350 and they told me that I didnt have to. When it first broke down I did the "pentecostal Bible college student thing" by laying hands on it and when that didnt work I cried like I've never cried. But even in those moments I knew that God had to do something....b/c even in what seems to be impossible He makes possible....

God is the God of the big and the small. That's what I'm learning. I feel so undeserving...but that's the greatest thing about it because I don't deserve it...but He loves me enough to provide my every need.....and just in case your'e wondering....I got my paper....and I handed it in and my only concern now is whether or not I'll get the A that I was aiming for.

I really don't understand why it seems as though everybody is having a rough 2 weeks....it's been crazy the stuff that's happening...and I'm soo tired...but I know that perserverance is what I need....and trusting in God to pull us up out of the deep end....I just wish I knew the outcome....

I caught myself smiling thinking about things today....it's a feeling I havent felt before....it was nice....really nice.....

God's been doing soooo much in my life this past couple of weeks. I've been ripped in two emotionally....and have discovered that grades and school dont really matter when a person you love is in trouble and needs your help. And even though my instincts were to pick up and run and rescue her God told me to wait....and give her back to Him. I'm talking about my sister. She's been really depressed lately....to the point of where I dont really know what stupid decisions she might make. I've been worried every second...of every minute...of every day for the past 2 weeks....but as I sat in a chapel service 4 days ago God said "Sasha how can you help her if you yourself are dry and broken?" I cried.....for a while...and as I did something broke...I felt lighter...my yoke had been lifted...and I had let God in.....

I've also learned the importance of prayer....when I had nothing else to lean on....and nowhere else to turn...I prayed....when there were no word that I could offer to ppl all I asked is for them to pray....I know that deep down...God has heard my cry....and I'm in awe....

I've also been wondering about my future...and am asking myself where God wants me in the fall. I'm 7 courses away from having my second degree....7 courses that I can take through correspondence and go anywhere in the world....I'm waiting on God for that one tho....

Most of all....I'm being reminded time and time again that I need to give my struggles over to God....and give them to Him...fully and completely....I feel comfortable when I'm in control...but slowly and painfully I'm learning that it's not about me....it's about Him and His glory.....