I've promised I'd write for a long time. Often my mind gets lost between the difference in the things that I should write as opposed to the things that I want to write. I want to share my heart, but that vulnerability scares even me so how could I expect somebody else to accept the true contents of what's buried deep in there.
So much has happened in my life. I look back now and see mistakes that I've made. I see steps taken that I regret, but I also know that it's in those steps where I have grown into shoes that I never thought I could fit into.
I thought I found love. I thought I found what it meant to be loved, and it turned out that I was wrong. It's only in finding out what love isn't that I found out what it is. It is only because of those steps that I so often regret taking where I also find a peace knowing that there was a reason for them.
In the brokenness is where I was made whole. That statement makes me cringe a bit knowing that it seems so cliche, however I feel so much truth alive in it that I can't deny it.
I'm learning. I'm not perfect. I thought I had some things figured out and I thought that there were clear black and white answers, however I'm learning more and more that those my not exist. All I can do is continue to take my steps in Faith, as retarded as I feel if God is as big as I believe Him to be and as powerful as I proclaim Him to be things have to work out for His glory. I guess it's in those moments when I just have to step back and remind myself that as much as I get overwhelmed by my problems and my life it's not about me, it's about Him, another cliche yes, but I know that without God I am nothing I have found this to be true so many times in my life I can not deny it.
So I take more steps. Sometimes I feel like I'm blindfolded, but even with a wounded heart I still believe in the love that I've been shown, and I know that that is worth taking that step because that experience is worth something far more amazing then I could have ever imagined.
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