battered and bruised.

I'm scared.  There's probably no emotion that I feel more right now than fear.  It's like I'm standing  staring it in the face.  Sometimes it overwhelms me.  Sometimes it consumes me.  I can't help it.  My mind runs out of control and before I have a chance to catch up with it I'm standing staring down a huge giant.  I can't really put my finger on why and the only way that I know how to get rid of it is to stand up to it and try to do my best to hold on tight. 

I'm learning a lot about myself even just in packing boxes.  I've held a lot in.  I'm 80% made of fear.  I'm having a hard time trusting.  A hard time handing over my heart and saying "here take it, it's a little battered, it's a little bruised, but I love you and if you can just hold it and love it despite those areas that I can't really help then love me with all you got, because regardless of those bruises and tender spots it's full of nothing but you."  I'm scared that it'll be taken but not fully realized.  I have to trust and more times then not I do. 

What a journey, an adventure really.  I anticipate the next couple of weeks.  Spending Christmas in a new city.  Starting a new job.  Learning. Loving. Laughing.  I'm excited to be new again and not let the baggage that has felt like it has held me down for so long hold me back.  To top it off, I can't wait to do it with you holding my hand.