EEEK!!!!!

So, I officially preach my first sermon tomorrow.....well...it really isn't that big of deal cuz it is to a bunch of seniors at a home.....or so everybody else says. It's funny how I'm taking this more seriously then everybody else...maybe because it is my first time talking.....but still...they need Jesus just as much as them youngins out there!!! Well....I don't know why...but the only thing God seemed to allow me to preach on is hope......I KNOW....like how hard to give hope to a bunch of ppl who are dying ....especially when I'm young and have good health....I donno...but I guess you just gotta follow God eh?!?!?

Other then that the life of me, the intern, has been VERY crazy and busy....but as I have mentioned numerous times in my other posts....it's been sooo rewarding...I'm starting to love my youth SOOOOOO much....I don't know if I'm called to full time youth ministry....but I've been loving just how open they are...and how you can touch their lives in soo many ways. I think often adults are already soo set in their ways that they do not embrace the things of change that other's have to offer.....youth on the other hand they tend to be more accepting of stuff like that.

I've been having some CRAZY dreams lately....like really weird ones....I don't know what they all mean but it's been weird.....and I'm getting sick...so if you could pray for my health that would be swell!!! Other then that I have a super rough week ahead of me....I preach tomorrow, then I have to plan another sermon and games night for the Jr youth at my church for Wed, then I have to face the past on Friday....if that doesnt makes sense...I'll just say a certain individual who did not like my actions in Edmonton is coming home w/ her rap group...and well she's bringin the blonde...pray for patience...and love....cuz I'm gonna need a HUGE outpouring of that! Thanks all....be blessed

Well today has been such a crazy day. Last night I babysat for my youth pastors and their kids were funny and cute....and then they wouldnt sleep!!! EEEK! Jacob wouldnt sleep unless I was holding him....and Emma kept waking up and SCREAMING for her mommy....it was crazy and then in my attempts to make Jacob sleep I tried to feed him and that didnt work....and then I tried to change his diaper and that didnt work (I just found out later this afternoon that I had put his diaper on backwards...SOOOO funny...but it was dark and he was crying...ya...that's my excuse!!) But see...it was all worth it cuz Kenny and Kelly anne hadnt been out by themselves in such a long time....I use my lonliness to bless others...heck if I love their children I might as well look after them....so as Kelly was drivin me home she said that her and Kenny had bought me groceries.....it seems as though the world doesnt think I eat now that I'm interning.....but I was blessed...here I try to bless them and they bless me!!!

Today I've been able to really open up w/ the youth...and a couple of them have opened up to me telling me about thier home lives and the problems with their parents and the brokenness that they are facing.....some have told me their deep secrets....I'm telling you I'm being blessed left and right....just to be able to listen to them and let them know that somebody cares...it's worth all the stress and homework in the world.....it's like this is what all the hard work I've done these past 4 yrs has paid off to accomplish....it's all sooo worth it to make a difference for God in the lives of these kids.....and it's also amazing to see the hand of God in my life and the use of things that that I have gone through in order for me to help these kids out and relate to them in a way that they might think nobody can....I'm in awe

I dont ever want to loose the thankfullness that's developing in my heart and the sense of God that is so prominant in all areas of my life....I dont ever want to loose this......never.

Friday night I was reminded of God's power, of His mercy, of His everlasting and uncomprendable love, and of His grace. Last week I was battling inwardly with feelings of inadequacy, of not feeling prepared or called, of feeling weak and complacent, and I truthfully wanted to walk away from my position at the church because I felt as though I didn't belong, and that ultimately I wouldn't be able to do it. I was scared. We had a youth service friday night. The youth in my youth group have grown, and have seen and experenced the presence of God and are seeking for more. However Friday was odd. As I stood around I could see that they were worn out. They were going through things.....and as a leader I needed to be there to support them and strengthen them. We had an alter time, and I was going to go pray for a girl and God said to wait. So I stood there...not understanding until another girl came up and asked me to pray for her. It's such a privilage to have young ppl love and trust you enough to share what they are going through....I was touched.

A little while later I looked over and saw one of the guys that I used to hang out with and my heart broke. I missed that boy. He had fallen away from God and had lived a life after drugs, alcohol and sex and as I looked at him God began to change my heart. I have been praying for him for 4 years....and the fact that he was even in a worship service left me in complete awe. Something in my heart began to build and build.....and I began to pray for him....if he was there then I wasnt going to sit idly by and let him leave, so I prayed.....he stayed and another leader went over and gave him a word....and I saw a vulnerability in him that I havent seen in a long time. It was after a little bit when he started to motion to leave the service and I started crying. It wasnt like anything I have felt before....It was from deep deep within......I felt the love that God had for him.....and I didnt want to stand by and let him go....so as he walked out I prayed....like I've never prayed before.....and a little while later he came back in.....this might not sound like anything big to any of you....but the joy I felt when I saw his face....I cant even put it into words. After it was all done he asked me to go for a walk....so we talked....and he opened up about the things that he was going through.....and I glanced at his wrist and he was wearing a Jesus fish bracelet. We played pool...and we were able to just hang out and be the friends that we once were....I missed that.

He came to church this morning....and he's coming to youth camp this summer.....I cant even put what I'm feeling in my heart into words....I think that if I don't see anything else this summer...I will be happy with what happened that night. To see somebody come back into the Grace...and see God so clearly....it takes my breath away. I was reminded that I'm suppose to be here....and I am called....It's like Dr. Franklin says...sometimes all we have to hold onto is the fact that we have been called....regardless of how we are feeling....regardless of the circumstance, God knows...and has called each one to play a part in His will....and I'm sooo blessed to be able to say that I'm here to lead His sheep.....and that He trusts me with such a great responsibility.....I'm in awe....and so blessed.

I can feel the complacency seeping in and taking over my heart.

I'm trying to fight...

but I'm overwhelmed with the feeling to just let everything be....

I want to go deeper...

but I don't want to work for it...

it's too hard...

so instead I compromise and sit back and stay....

stagnant...

ok with where I am....

Oh I can see where I was and where I've been....

and where He wants me...

but...

I lack the motivation to want to get there

and as others battle the wrath of Satan....

I battle myself....

because I have become my own worse enemy

So I officially have no choice but to take my work home with me.....it's funny because I'm living at my church...those of you who thought you were going to be great, wonderful pastors....I have one up on you I love this job soooo much that I've chosen to live here 24 hours a day 7 days a week for the next 4 months....actually it doesn't work that way at all.....but it should be good....I'm kinda excited to be here...nervous as heck...and because I'm the intern I get all the BEST jobs in the world...haha....well if you consider vaccuming up 3 vaccuums full of water an hour that's one of the best jobs....

But for real...things are going good...I've been Intern Pastor Sasha for 48 hours....and well...I've done a lot of stuff....they have put me in every ministry that you can think of....from Seniors to the kids...I've got it all covered......

I'm excited...nervous as nervous can be to preach 3 times!! but it should be good...except when PK looked at me and said he wanted me to preach a youth retreat...scared the pants off of me!!! EEEK!!!!

It shall be good....I'm anticipating the things that God is going to to.....we've already had a fire tunnel and the youth have all asked to be prayed for to have the gift of tongues! God is amazing...and I know that He has a purpose in having me here for the summer...I can't wait to see what that purpose is!

Be blessed!