Lost And Found

If I said the last couple weeks have been easy I'd be lying....I'd also be lying if I said that through every circumstance I have trusted that God's outcome is for the best and relying on Him is the only answer. I've been broken and beaten. It hurt. It was like I was a twig who had had every single branch prunned off of it and now was a stick waving around in the wind. At that exact same time I could see very little buds growing amongst the dead. Little buds of faith.

I'm still so unsure of where I have been called. Just when I think I understand, I don't. Standing at YC I was like "God is this what you want me to do? Speak to thousands? Millions?" I felt at peace. It was like I coulda walked out there and Mike Love coulda been like "We have a guest speaker instead of Miles this afternoon her name is Sasha Hale." I'm telling you it was weird. I've also had a lot of other things come across my mind lately. I don't really know what's of God...and what's just me....but I want to figure it out. I want to follow God. I want Him to be my Everything.

The Children's Pastor from my church is leaving in the fall...when this was announced heads turned to me. I don't know if I'm called to children's ministry. I know that I'm good at working with children....I just don't know if that's what God wants me to do. I don't want to compromise....and I don't want to settle...I'm tired for settling for less then what God has. I feel lost but found...if that makes any sense. It's like Amazing Grace makes no sense to me right now because I feel like I am both blind and can also see....maybe I'm hanging onto too much of the world...maybe I need to let go....surrender...how do you do that when you feel like you have nothing left to surrender??? So many questions...no answers....and I have to look like I have at least some of it pulled together when I talk to the youth on friday.....that just seems like it's going to be a daunting task that I'm not sure I can or should handle at this point.