I feel like I can't actually blog what I want to blog cuz whatever I say will be used against me in some sort of kindergarden play ground fashion...when one friend turns on another in a desperate search to gain some sort of popularity. People are ignorant....and annoying.....I wish that I didn't care what people thought of me....confidence is what I need....it is something I have always lacked....
I wanted to scream and punch a girl in the face....I didn't because it's not the best answer to solveing problems.....but sometimes you just feel like you are left with no choice....no matter what you do to try and help solve the problem the other person is sooooooooooo.......grrrrrrr....unreasonable...I try to love......try being the operative word....maybe one day I will be able to....
I saw a glimpse of hope in my mom today....she's questioning the things that she believes and is starting to understand that there is in fact both heaven and hell.....and that demons and satan exist....I told her about Jesus and how He casted out demons....she didn't yell at me...or raise her voice at all...she just sat there thinking. It gave me goosebumps...it was like God was working RIGHT THERE in that moment....I could see the little seed being watered...even just a little bit....
I was also blessed when I took out the garbage for her and ran into a lonley elderly woman. I sat and talked with her for an hour. She spoke of how she missed her husband who had passed away 9 years ago...desperatey she looked into my eyes seeking answers of how to let go...move on like the rest of the world tells her to. I told her that I don't think I will ever even have the answer about how to do that. They were married for 50 years......50...in awe I asked "How do you make marriage last that long in a society that tells you to get rid of the old and embrace the new all the time." She smiled and looked at me and answered "Only love.....that's the answer."
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